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Home Will Never Be the Same Again
by Carol R. Hughes and Bruce R. Fredenburg
A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce
Adult children are often overlooked when the parents divorce later in life. This book addresses the the many feelings, frustrations, and challenges they face in search to discover comfort and understanding.
About the Book
For more than two decades, a silent revolution has been occurring and creating a seismic shift in the American family and families in other countries. It has been unfolding without much comment, and its effects are being felt across three to four generations: more couples are divorcing later in life. Called the “gray divorce revolution,” the cultural phenomenon describes couples who divorce after the age of 50.
Overlooked in the issues that affect couples divorcing later in life are the adult children of divorcing parents. Their voices open this book, and they are the voices of men and women, 18 to 50 years old. Some of them are single; some are married. Some have children of their own. All of them are in different stages of shock, fear, and sudden, dramatic change.
In Home Will Never Be the Same: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce, Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg share their deep understanding gained during the innumerable hours they have spent with these women and men in their clinical practices. The result is a valuable resource for these too often forgotten adult children, many of whom find that, whenever they express their feelings and experiences, the most important people in their lives frequently ignore and dismiss them.
As the divorce rate for older adults soars, so too does the number of adult children who are experiencing parental divorce. Yet, these adult children frequently say that they are the only ones who are aware of what they are going through, no one understands what they are experiencing, and they feel painfully alone.
About the Authors
Carol Hughes, PhD, LMFT, holds her doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology and her master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, achieving both summa cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa honors. She is also a two-time Fulbright Scholar. Carol served for ten years as an Associate Professor of Human Services at Saddleback College. In her practice in Laguna Hills, CA, as a California licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and family-focused divorce professional, for more than thirty years, she has assisted hundreds of divorcing families, as a therapist, child and co-parenting specialist, divorce coach, and mediator.
Bruce Fredenburg, MS, LMFT, has been a California licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for more than 30 years and is Board Certified in Clinical Hypnosis. He was a college instructor in Human Services at Saddleback College and at the National Medical Review School in Southern California. He also created and taught parenting classes for adoptive and foster parents. Trained and experienced in chronic pain management, trauma, addictions, mediation, and collaborative divorce, in his practice in Laguna Hills, CA, Bruce helps families as a therapist, divorce coach, co-parenting specialist, and mediator.
“This book is not just a Guide for those often-ignored Adult Children of Gray Divorces, but also a guide and support for therapists and even for those Gray parents contemplating a divorce. The authors’ experience and commitment to this group is thoroughly and helpfully presented.”
Founder of Collaborative Law Concept
“Two experienced therapists share illustrative stories that shed light on the impact on grown children and families when their parents’ long-term marriage comes apart. Not only is it a helpful resource for adult children but it will help parents understand how to minimize the harmful effects of their divorce.”
Constance Ahrons, PhD
Author of The Good Divorce and We’re Still Family
“Finally, an in-depth description of the effects of divorce on adult children. For too many years, I’ve listened to parents negate the effects of their divorce on their grown children. In Home Will Never Be the Same Again, the authors bring to life the depths of isolation and loneliness these children experience with no one to talk to and no way to understand their own emotions. Hughes and Fredenburg, through this ground-breaking book have given all of us in the field a new tool to help both divorcing parents and their children face this life transition in a way that leads to healing instead of family destruction.”
Nancy Ross, LCSW, BCD
Divorce Coach, Mediator, Trainer, Psychotherapist, Communication Specialist for Trusts and Estates
“Home Will Never Be the Same Again is written from the minds and souls of two seasoned therapists who have spent decades working with these Adult Children, supporting them, and helping them to manage their pain, to move forward in a bewildering and disorienting world, and, indeed, to create new family traditions. Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg seamlessly blend their practical experiences with the real-life experiences of their clients to create a highly readable book. This book is about learning to heal. But it’s also insightful for anyone else who cares for the people described in it, including (and especially) the Adult Child’s parents.”
Collaborative Lawyer, Changing the Way the World Gets Divorced™
“This book belongs in the hands of every adult child and parent of “gray divorce,” and every therapist, mediator, and family lawyer involved with later-life divorcing families. Despite a 40-year low in US divorce, the divorce rate has doubled for couples over 50 and tripled for those over-65. Home Will Never Be the Same Again evocatively captures the often-devastating, and too often totally unexpected, impact of this rising rate of “gray divorce” on young adult and adult children. Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg have given us a thorough, compassionate, and accessible book that weaves together a wide range of relevant research with their work as clinicians and mediators. Each chapter offers both deep understanding and extremely practical guidance for adult children and their parents, as well as for helping professionals involved with them.”
Patricia L. Papernow
Author of Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships: What Works and What Doesn’t, and (with Karen Bonnell) The Stepfamily Handbook: From Dating to Getting Serious to Forming a “Blended Family.”
Marvin L. Chapman, PsyD, LMFT, CFC
Collaborative and Mediation Divorce Coach and Trainer
“I am not a person who enjoys reading. It is rare that I will pick up a book that captures and holds my attention. When this happens, I don’t want to put it down until I get to the end. Home Will Never Be the Same Again is one of those rare books. It not only walks the Adult Child through the divorce process and helps them to realize they are not alone, but it is also a guide for the divorcing parents. The silver thread throughout each chapter is educating the Adult Child that there is hope & help. When reading this book, I found myself thinking, I could benefit from that tool or I know someone who really could benefit. This book may have been intended to be a guide for Adult Children of Divorcing Parents – it is truly way more than that. It is a guide for every person, for everyday living.”
Cathleen Collinsworth, CDFA, MAFF
Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Master Analyst in Financial Forensics
The Incredible Shrinking Girl: A Divorce Story
by Julie Verner, PhD
Penny can’t figure out why she is getting smaller and smaller. Her roller skates are too big. Her clothes no longer fit. And, she can no longer reach the kitchen sink or her desk at school! But, when a kind teacher notices something is wrong and shares her own experience of getting smaller, Penny discovers she is not alone, and that her parents’ divorce need not be her story.
“In ‘The Incredible Shrinking Girl,’ Dr. Verner has found a way to capture the complex and nuanced emotional experience of a child going through divorce with the most caring and simple language.
The story will be relatable, entertaining, easy to read, and comforting to the children who are fortunate enough to read it.”
Lauren Franks, PsyD
“This book delivers a powerful message for both children and parents. Dr. Verner validates a child’s vulnerable experience as she provides a refreshing approach to the difficult topic of divorce. This story provides fertile ground for meaningful and intentional conversations among children and parents and is an invaluable gift to all who navigate this process.”
Beckie Riggs, MA, LMFT
QK STUDIO is the studio of Southern California Abstract Expressionist Painter, Quinn Klingerman. Beginning in 2021, QK Studio will also support artists with disabilities gain more exposure through representation and mentorship.
Inland Valley Humane Society
Caring for the lost and abandoned animals of our community, and providing them with ‘A Home Away from Home’. Every day our dedicated staff ensures that every animal receives food, veterinary care and the attention they need until they can find a ‘forever home‘.